Have you heard about Totally Accurate Battle Simulator? As the name would suggest, it’s a highly realistic simulation game in which you can pit the very fiercest warriors against each other in an all-out battle to the death. Simply pick which warriors you want to fight for your cause, arrange them on the battlefield, and sit back and enjoy the show.
The unique part is that all your warriors come equipped with the very best googly eyes, slightly silly AI, and an unquenchable thirst for stickman slaughter. Oh, and you don’t have to stick to knights or samurai (though there’s nothing to stop you, of course), since you’ve also got exciting options like chicken-throwing peasants, archers who fire snakes instead of arrows, and big ol’ woolly mammoths. What could be better?
So in between pitting our own hordes of hobbits against pointy-hatted Vikings who carry their longboats around with them, we’ve gathered a few of our favourite examples of what you can do with Totally Accurate Battle Simulator…
David vs. Goliath (with some help)
If you think about it, this was the most logical outcome for the original story. Would you want to take on a giant, even with a very big pointy stick?
100 firework archers vs. every enemy individually
Now we’ll say this outright: these are not what you’d call fair matches. But despite being vastly outnumbered, some of these brave warriors put up a pretty good fight.
Sticky Balloon Men vs. Mammoth
All we can say is… no wonder they went extinct.
The Battle for Castle Black
Can we have a version of Game of Thrones with fewer dead heroes and a lot more googly eyes?
The Lord of the Rings
Poor, poor hobbitses.
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